i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
