we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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