it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
