he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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