she kept yelling 'call me bella'
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
