Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
