haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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