I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
