i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
