Buhtt sex?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
