Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
