I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
