He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
