Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
