Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
