decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
