True but thats because hes a fetus.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
