i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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