that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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