There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
