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final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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