420 ftw
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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