So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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