Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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