And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
