I just saw a hot homeless man
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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