Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I need a beard to bite.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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