reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
