By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
When are your genitals available?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
