Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
