Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
