I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
why do cheetos always look like penises
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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