Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
