i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I will pee on everything he values.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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