mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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