Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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