im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
