I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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