Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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