Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
