Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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