I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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