I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
two words...techno handjob
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Randomize
