When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
