I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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