he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Randomize
