I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
