I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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