I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
