MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My penis needs a shock collar
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
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