I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
