well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Well I just put wine in my tea
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
