I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
