I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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