I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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