Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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