AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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