Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
