bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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