you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
