The brown eye won't let me do that either.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
