You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
