The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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