We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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