hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
