so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
