If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
