if you like me you must not know who I am
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
