I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
