why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
