I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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