Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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