I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
