even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
