i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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