The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I checked into jail on foursquare
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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