She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
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No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
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Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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