you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
