BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
