where does the pee come out of this thing
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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