Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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