I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
