There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
