Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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