I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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