Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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