i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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